Where does my time go?!

This weekend I am pretty determined to sit down and type ya'll a full update.
I've been really wanting and meaning to, but my days are over before I even blink, it seems.

Many, MANY happenings- good and bad...

GREAT happening is that our church seems to be entering a proposal to rent The Mozart House for the next 5 years or so and then perhaps purchasing it. Any improvements we make (there is currently no heat), would go off of the price of the building. All of that is in God's hands, however; the possibilities WE can do for Him are endless- there are office spaces, a fully stocked kitchen (well, minus the food obviously. but I mean plates and such)-with this, PM is in love with the fact we could totally do a 7 day a week soup kitchen.
another possibility? a mission type building for those who do not have a place to stay.
From what I understand, bands used to play here- maybe we can have Fellowship night- which is normallyheld at PM & Jean's house there???

The opportunities are endless as I've said.

I invite you all to come with us this Sunday, March 21st at 10:30. We are meeting at The Mozart House on a 'field trip' sort of!!!! Expect it to be cold, as there is no heat. Expect it to be dirty. But who really cares?! 'Church' is not all about dressing up in your finest and never getting your hands dirty!!!

Manda and I are off to Lifeway this afternoon to start volunteering!!!

Kyler finished up wrestling season and is actually VERY stoked about next season. He will be going to my older brother's house for part of the summer to train, lift, attend camp, learn moves, etc.

Jack is well, Jack. He is content with whatever life throws his way!!

We got a new puppy. He is a Minnie Jack (a min-pin/jack russell). He is ADORABLE. beyond adorable!

Shawn called me last night and asked me to be in he and Stacie's wedding. He made me cry!

well, TTFN, promise to post more soon!

Its been forever. I know.

Its been forever. I know. I apologize! It is a New Year and new years are time for new beginnings, right? Let's hope...

Honestly!

HONESTLY PEOPLE!-now THAT is a saying i can say i hardly miss hearing. for those of you who know my work situation, you know what i am talking about and you know how happy i am to be working ALONE right now. for now, sadly-for as the saying goes-'all good things must come to an end'. :-(

i have come to realize, this world is chalk full of negative people. ready to POUNCE. at any given second. blech!

everywhere you look it seems that you find negativity. and i am quite SICK to death of it.
people pick at the most petty things that it is truly absurd. take my neighborhood for example.
blech. the people are the most completely NOT open minded, bitter individuals i have ever met.

oh well, onto updates, i suppose. :-P

we are 'enjoying' summer vacation as best as one possibly can. NOT! the kids are bored to tears and have not a clue as to what to do. given the fact that we have not truly had a SUMMER yet, it is certainly understandable!
kyler and jack constantly need to be entertained. manda gets bored, yes, but she is at the age where she is able to go do things.
kyler and jack have been coming to work with me since shirley has gone on vacation. this helps with my babysitter ordeal, but it does NOT help my work ordeal. i am so far behind, i am going to have to work saturday!

manda went to warped tour the week before last and had a blast. she got to meet and get a picture with one of her favorite bands-'breathe carolina'. she was ecstatic!!
last week she went to the bob dylan concert and well, let's just say she didn't have quite as good a time there. LOL! she was sooooooo far out of her element, but you know-these types of situations are good for one, every now and then. i truly believe that we must semi-regularly expose ourselves to people other than those of our 'norm'. -helps us keep an open mind!

kyler and jack start football the first of august. kyler is still pretty adament that he is NOT playing, while tim and i keep telling him-'ohhhhhh, but you are and you WILL like it'.
i never thought i would be one to force my children to play sports, but i feel and also in the words of one of my former teachers 'sometimes, you need to let your child know who is boss and still in control'.

i feel that once kyler gets into football, he will see for himself how good he is at the sport and see how the others guys will (and currently DO) accept him and it is my hopes that he will feel accepted and know what it feels like to be a part of a team.

he is currently OFF all of his meds (per my prior post regarding the new counselor). turns out-we are going quite mad. life at the kruel house is beyond chaotic. so-for those of you who remark that we don't do things with you/anybody and other remarks i have been either told or overheard-the only thing i have to say is-COME LIVE ONE DAY WITH US.
you will be, for lack of better words, entertained and delighted with the sounds of my son, regularly, screaming at my other two how much he hates them-directed towards my daughter, particularly. how he wishes she was not a part of this family, how he wishes she didn't live with us. how much he hates us. how he hates living. he is BORED. we are horrible parents. we are abusive parents. how he is sick of us not having the money for anything. how he cannot understand why we can't just snap our fingers and make the money appear. how he is stupid. how WE are even stupider.
and on and on the saga goes. there are many things that he says that i will not even write on here.
and the best part? that great 'new' counselor that i retrieved our medical records from pittsburgh for? he has yet to return my phone call. it seems that since latrobe and greensburg mental health centers have announced their closings, he is 'crazy with' calls. well, just dandy.

so, i went to our pediatrician who is the most wonderful lady ever (truly, she IS). SHE, at least returns my phone calls! in fact, she regularly calls us in the evenings to check in with me and see if ANY of the umteen number of psychiatrists i have been calling have called me back. which, sadly, i must answer 'no. not a one'.
she is able to prescribe him the medication he is in need of, but he must first have an evaluation.

isn't life grand? LOL, truly, it IS! we could have it worse. i could have a child that is struggling, trying to beat a terminal illness. i don't. i am most fortunate.
what my children deal with? they are workable, treatable. thankfully!

i'd like to ask you all to follow this blog of our (i say our because we casually attend charter oak. i cannot even say casually anymore because we haven't been to in quite awhile, because we don't feel we fit in. perhaps because i am trying to find a church that is like ligonier baptist-which i so truly loved, fit in, and belonged? it is my prayer, though, that we find another soon)
however; at any rate, this man was the youth pastor and thee MOST remarkable human being i have ever had the pleasure of knowing. certain things happened and it seemed unfair at the time. while it is still unfair, i firmly believe and know that God has a plan for each one of us and perhaps this is part of Pastor Mark's plan of life.
If you could, please pray for Pastor Mark and his family as he embarks on this amazing journey towards his new life! i thank you plenty, in advance! http://likethemorningmist.blogspot.com/

timmy is continuing to work himself to death-the past two days i have been thoroughly convinced of it. in fact, last night when i returned home from manda and i cleaning the barn, he was quite delirious and totally NOT himself.
he has begun to take on the wonderful, but incredibly stressful task of building bridges. not only building them, but supervising and leading a crew in doing so. oye!

lidya has begun walking! she will be having her FIRST BIRTHDAY here soon! (end of this month to be exact). is has been so amazing to see what an interactive, happy child she is!

katelyn begins the big 'K' here soon! i cannot believe she is in kindergarten already! she's excited to ride the bus with jack.

natalie continues to fascinate and love me more and more every single day. how i love that child. she has, and continues to-teach me what love is about. not that my own children don't, because they do. however; i see with natalie, what i missed with my children, since i had them so young. i realize how much i missed out on with my own-because of lack of patience.
however; i take what i learn from her and apply toward my relationship with my children NOW.

last but not least and i have to get going to get ready for work-krista and dave's WEDDING is almost upon us!!!!!!! one week from today they will say I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Relocation, Weddings, Deaths...We never know what to expect do we?!

Can you believe the number of people that have died this past week?
Let me just say one thing about Michael Jackson- I truly am sorry the man died. I am. However; Do you think that, perhaps-Farrah Fawcett could get some coverage. Just a little?
I mean, the woman suffered for the past how many months and suddenly the ONLY coverage you see is about Michael Jackson.
I just feel it is wrong.

My sister-in-law's shower was held on Saturday afternoon. It was beautifully decorated and the food was TO DIE FOR. Krista really is marrying into a wonderful family.
Lidya was happily entertaining herself, trying to walk, and yelling/talking to the imaginary friends I swear she thinks she has-LOL!
Katelyn's little friend Emma was there and they played THE WHOLE time! It was cute to watch them.
Krista and Dave got A LOT of nice stuff. Their home is going to be filled with plenty of beautiful things!

My mother-in-law read a poem entitled 'Sisters' and it was about the importance of the friends, sisters, cousins, etc in our lives and how we must not lose touch with them, as we will continue to need them, more and more, as the years go on-even after marriage.
I started to cry and it was ALL I could do to hold back my tears. It was incredibly hard not to break down right then and there, but I did good and only let one tear fall!
It was just such an ironic day-though it wasn't the date Heather passed away on, it was the same weekend and it was so weird-the day of Heather's accident and death, Aunt Dar was up from Florida and John and Debbie were down visiting. Saturday at Krista's shower? Aunt Dar was up from Florida and Debbie was at the shower as well! It was a hot day, as was this past Saturday!
It was just sooo ironic! It was a great poem as well-I will have to ask Betsy for a copy of it so that I can share it with you all!

On the home front, Timmy and I had it all planned that we were moving next June. I FINALLY convinced Manda to come with us and everything. Several things kept giving me an uneasy feeling though.
Manda was very undecided as to whether or not she was going to come with us-as was to be expected. After all, she would have just finished her first year of high school. She is 14 and right now, her friends are her entire world. Nor, can any blame be put on her for this feeling. I was the same way. She was going to live with either my parents or my older sister/Bradley/Tom and the kids.
However; there are so many milestones Timmy and I would have missed. Yes, I would have come up for many visits, but I would have missed her so much. It would have almost been like giving her up for the next 3 years.

I finally had enough of the uncertainty of it all and started praying really really hard for the past week about what to do. I finally feel I got my answer-in lots of small ways over this past weekend.

I also have an obligation to Ashley. Ashley is my second daughter. Not only because of Heather's passing, but because she always has been. BUT, even more so now that Heather is gone. Ashley comes to me with everything-when she is having problems and needs to talk, as well as just saying 'hey' every morning. I almost HAVE to stay here until she is out of school. Heather would have done the same for me. She would have stayed here for Manda and my boys.
She makes me laugh, that Ashley. She will text me and just tell me random things-and then apologize. I ask her constantly why she is apologizing and she says- I'm sorry I always talk to you but I enjoy talking to you.
I tell her she is a complete and total dork because does she not think I enjoy talking to her as well?!

I am not ready to leave Brad either. I need to be around for him for the next couple of years as well. He would have an absolute heart attack if I were to leave, which is precisely why I did NOT tell him we were leaving. Except, his little brother let it leak and he questioned me about it this morning! Wasn't he relieved to hear I wasn't leaving him quite yet?!?!

Pa is another reason I can't leave quite yet. He and Timmy are so very close. I must say that I almost instantaneously grew to love both he and Timmy's grandma the instant I met the both of them way back when Timmy and I were in high school.
Tim's grandma was one of thee dearest people I have ever met in my life and I feel I am so very fortunate to have had her in my life, though for only a short while. She was the kind who made you feel loved and special the minute she met you.
While I loved Tim's grandpap instantly as well, grandpaps are well, grandpaps. They are so cute and loveable, but have this distance at the same time.
Since Tim's grandma passed away two weeks prior to our marriage, we have had the honor of having Pa in our lives-and getting to know him much better. I love Pa as if he were my own Grandpap. I actually see more of Pa than my own Grandpap. Tim and I always say how fortunate we are to have him as our neighbor. Not because of the things he does for us, but because we are truly blessed to have this extra time with him in our lives, as well as our children to have the honor of having their Great-Grandpa, who is in good health, in their lives. Not everyone can say that about their own grandparents, let alone their GREAT grandparent(S).

Pa truly gets a kick out of cutting our grass -and now that he no longer cuts Red Rock's grass, he finds MORE lawn work of ours to keep him busy. Just the other day, I look out my window while I was doing dishes and there goes Pa-pushing the wheelbarrow-full of wood to take to the fire, passed my kitchen window!

We have offered him money for the gas, which he refuses. So, in turn, I make and take him dinner every night. I do this, mainly because, if Pa had his way, he would ONLY drink his cheap whiskey all damned day and NOT eat. This way, if I take him dinner, he knows we appreciate him AND I know for sure that he eats!

The other main reason I cannot leave is my dear, sweet, loveable, adorable, kissable, huggable, most favorite Miss Beans. I just do not want her to forget me. We are so close right now and have such a great relationship (for instance, she just told my boys this weekend when they asked her if she loved them that 'no, I just love my Jenn, not you guys'), that I do not and cannot have her forget me.
Tim tells me all of the time that she will not forget me because he never forgot his Aunt Dar all those years when she lived in Germany and N. Carolina. He tells me that when he was older that yes, she was back in Pennsylvania, but that he was in school and she was waitressing at Dino's by then. I know he is right, but I just don't know.

Kyler is just starting football and we have finally found a decent counselor for him. I don't want to mess that all up either.
I get a kick out of seeing Katelyn and Lidya in the yard, hearing Lidya's screaming (joyful, not sad) and seeing Matt and Emily either walking or riding by the house with the girls in tow or on their back every night.

I sat the boys down Saturday night when it was just us-Timmy had gone to Pittsburgh for the night with Chris, and Manda was out at my parents. I asked them-if we were to wait until Manda graduates to move, do they think they'd be okay with that-since they would already be in and Jack would be starting high school then too.
They said they are ready to go TODAY, that yes, they'd be fine with moving then. I guess boys are different, so it will work out.
Plus, Chris told Timmy that he would love nothing more than to have us down there with him, but since Timmy's bridge work is booming up here, and the economy is not so good down there-that it really is for the best to wait.

It's very ironic, that all I ever wanted was to move-I wanted TIM to want to move, and now-he is ready to, and I am not.
He and I were talking the other day about this-he said 'isn't it funny Jenn, how I could up and move and leave EVERYTHING behind and you are too attached to your nieces, nephews, Ashley, etc.'
It is. But now, I truly now how he feels, I know that he is going to be really ready for the move when we do move-and I needed to KNOW that. I told Tim that I needed to know that he WANTED it as much as I did-not just because I wanted it.
I am at ease and peace with things now. And this is all I wanted. I wanted peace-after so many years of not knowing what was next, etc.

This decision also works out because by the time Manda graduates, our house will be paid off and Manda will be able to live in the house during the summer and come be with us in the winter, etc. Or we will just have it to stay in for when we come to visit Tim's family and my family.
We will not have to work quickly to finish it and try to sell it. We can now officially take it off the 'market'.
Manda has Toby and we have the best group of people up at the barn. We truly do. Toby has been one of the best forms of therapies for her and that was a burden on me.
The boys have been searching Craig's list 'religiously' the past couple of weeks for dirt bikes.
If we moved down south right now, I'd have to pay off Toby by next June and find a new place to keep him. The boys wouldn't be able to have dirt bikes, etc. because Tim and I plan on either building or buying a house in Barefoot by Chris and Jenna.

I now know that by the time four years is up, I will have firmly established my relationship with Natalie, Katelyn, and Lidya. I know that Bradley, Ashley, and Manda will be old enought to come see Tim and I whenever they want-or move with us like they have each seperately mentioned.
I know that Tim's parents, my parents, and each of our siblings and their familes will come visit.
Our credit will be back in order from this house and this experience and we will have the room for our family and friends up here-to come visit whenever they want.

Peace-is a WONDERFUL feeling!

Summer's Best Two Weeks

Morning all!

"We live in an age when unnecessary things are our only necessities."
-- Oscar Wilde

One more day until summer vacation and I will no longer have to drive the kids to school each and every day! WOOOO HOOOOOOO!
I'm very excited!

I am hoping this summer will be a good one for the kids. They haven't had a decent summer vacation in about 3 years. This is due, in part, to my negligence. Because of the house, Tim and I have been so incredibly focused on work, work, work so that we can make money to pay off our umteen million gazillion loans on the thing.

One thing I have come to realize in the past almost year is that-I am NOT content with working more than full time to pay for a house.
What do I want? What does Tim want? We want to have a 'nice' home to live in, yes. However; it is not fair to anyone for us to 'kill' ourselves.
What happened to the simplicity of living? Cut out all the BS and extras and enjoy EACH OTHER'S COMPANY?

Tim and I are in the process of doing just that. We are cutting out all of the nonsense extras that we do need. The Sirius radio? scratch that. The extra cable channels? scratch those.
The extras on our cell phones? scratch those too.

All of that mumbo jumbo crap. It's all going.

I do NOT count Toby as an extra though. Toby has been a wonderful part of Manda's recovery. He has been so therapeutic for her. I have read stories about the benefits of animals helping humans heal, and I DID believe it, but I would never have believed to the extent I have witnessed with my own eyes.

They boys are both in gear to start football. They will both start in August. However; they are both starting their daily sprints beginning Monday, June 8th. (this is not a requirement, but a MOMMY ORDER).
However; Kyler starts weightlifting June 8th as well. This is something that the high school and junior high players do, pretty much year round.

Manda was unable to play softball this year because she has yet to be cleared by her doctor from the December surgery. Next appointment, he will let us know how much the other 'spot' in her left ear has or has not (hopefully has NOT) grown.

Summer's Best Two Weeks called about a week and a half ago to let me know that an opening has become available for Kyler to attend camp!
He will go to camp and STAY at camp for two whole weeks (actually 15 days).
Kyler starts camp July 19th and we will pick him up July 31st.

The best thing about him going to Summer's best two weeks, is that there are two different parts of Summer's Best and the one he is going to attend is the big sport one!
You MUST check out their website!! Go to http://www.sb2w.org and click on SB2W@theQUE

He does not know he is going for sure yet because we had a minor 'blow up' shall we call it? I will be breaking the news to him shortly.

Manda is attending 'Creation' with her youth group she attends at Covenant. She will be there from June 24th-June 27th. I cannot wait for her to attend. She has a WONDERFUL time at Primetime (youthgroup). They truly have a great group of kids. I could not be more proud of her, as well as her choice of friends. She is truly a great girl, with a good head on her shoulders and we should all remember this.

I get really upset with people when they make comments about some of today's youth.
Yes, everyone IS entitled to their own opinions, but to me-so what if my son has a mohawk? So what if Manda has purple highlights in her hair. And-as much as the screamo music drives me ABSOLUTELY NUTSO and the skinny jeans that my daughter wears turns me off just a tad, BUT- I know FOR A FACT that my child does not do drugs. Nor does she drink. Sex absolutely scares her death (which is sooooo totally a good thing right now!).
I know for a FACT what my child is doing, wherever she may be at the moment. My child talks to me and confides in me. Okay, sometimes it is a little TMI for my ears-what she AND her friends tell me, but I assure any of you, that I truly have no problem sleeping at night because my children are 'different'.

I had the privilege to go with Jack's class yesterday on their Fort Ligonier field trip yesterday. We had PERFECT weather and could not have asked for a better time. It was truly enjoyable. It has been years upon years since I was last there. And honestly, I don't remember A THING from when I was there!
It was fascinating and we had the best guides.
If you either have never been there, or it's been years since you were last there, I highly suggest you going. It is totally worth your time!
Kyler and Jack would really like to go in July because they are going to fire the guns and cannons. I guess normally, they only fire them during Fort Days, but this year they are doing so in July as well.

Well, I am going to wrap up now, seeing as how I AM supposed to be completing my finals right now!

Happiness is a destination...

'Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.' ~Margaret Young

Funny stuff

I HAVE to share this hilarious tid bit with you on this oh, sooo dreary morning.

So, the kids and I were cleaning the barns yesterday and there is this goose there. He is a cantakerous thing. He always hisses and balks at me, but then he walks away. mmmmkay?

NOT yesterday! So, Manda and I were walking down to the Trail Barn to get the ranger and take it up to the Takota Barn (new barn) and I'm walking along, talking to Manda in my own little world, mindin' my own and Manda starts screaming and running and goes "can I kick him". I was horrified and I was like NOOO you cannot kick him.
(Now, you all know Manda. She is a total animal lover)

So, she runs full force and all of a sudden I hear this sound like the beating of angel wings may sound, BUT, as I turn around, it is sooooo not an angel!!! It's the friggin goose-flapping his wings, hissing at me, and running full force at me! I was like WHOA! and started running! The thing caught up to me and bit my boot! I managed to 'get rid of him' and Manda and I go on our merry way.

All of a sudden, I hear Jack screaming and we look up to the funniest site I've seen in a long time. (Don't take this the wrong way cause it was hilarious. Seriously, just picture this in your mind.)
Jack is RUNNING down the hill and he has his rubber boots on. These factors, paired with the fact he is running really fast-DOWN hill lemme remind you, he trips and kind of rolls and the goose is ON HIM so fast. Jack curls up into a ball and is covering his head and face while this goose is like, pecking at him!

I am laughing sooo hard that I thought I was going to pee my pants, but at the same time I am trying to yell "Get up, Get up".

So, he manages to get up and he is half laughing, half terrified still-trying to think how he can get away from this damn goose! So, he starts running towards me again and the goose gets him AGAIN. Again, he takes a nose dive and is trying to curl up again, by this time, I've LOST IT. I seriously think I have peed my pants and I can't even talk. Manda is beside me ROLLING with laughter.
Thank GOD for Kamalie (not sure if I am spelling that right), Jimmy and Tracey's St. Bernard. She is the most friendliest, lovable dog I have ever met in my life. The dislike Kamalie has for this goose is pretty evident. She is rather annoyed by this thing and here she comes-running down the hill full force and gets in between Jack and Mr. Goosey. I'm peeing myself, Manda is rolling with laughter and Jack is still laying there-curled in a ball.

Meanwhile, the dog can't talk, so I am trying to make myself be able to talk and tell Jack- 'get UP dumbass. while Kamalie is between you guys GET UP!'

He finally gets up and runs down to us, Kamalie is keeping the goose away and Jack is laughing as hard as Manda and I!!!!!!!!